Mar 30, 2019

Start Living For Yourself | Loving Yourself


Some people feel the need to give their two cents wherever and whenever they get the chance to. It wasn’t asked for but it’s given. To them, it might be their way of ‘helping the world’ and if the advice is taken then they feel good about themselves. They feel connected to someone else’s life and a sense of control over it. ‘I’m the reason why this happened’ ‘I’m the reason why she did this’ ‘If it wasn’t for me this wouldn’t have happened’.

But I have a message for these people or anyone who thinks similarly: Bear in mind that just because someone does something doesn’t mean that you made them do it or they took your advice. Most of the time they were already considering taking action or had plans in place. Because we all know that not all plans are revealed before they’re completed.

"Do not let your left hand know what the right hand is doing" - Matthew 6:3
You don’t have control over anyone’s life except your own. Don’t feel the need to take credit for someone’s action just because you gave your opinion of something and it was considered. It’s not about you.

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While growing up I realized that the worse comments come from the people closest to you; your own family, someone you look up to, someone you trust or even someone you never expected it from. The more I think about it the more I understand why. These people know us better than everyone else, they know our strengths, our weaknesses, they know what makes us tick and they use that. They have their weapons and they know just how to use them. That’s why the criticism hurts so much. These people influence your decisions whether you know it or not and some value is placed, by us, on their opinions.

It’s like no matter the situation they ALWAYS have something to say.
‘You should do this...’
‘You should do that...’
Well, maybe they should mind their damn business and stop concerning themselves with you and  your life.

Photo credit: @sarahmaes

Why don’t they just take their own advice, since they have so much to give, and change their lifestyle? Apply some of their own knowledge and beliefs to their situation. It could probably do them some good. Or maybe they’ll finally realize that it was unnecessary and clearly didn’t mean any good.

I experienced this throughout most of my natural hair journey. While I had relaxed hair people would say ‘Well maybe you should go natural’ - I went natural. Just after I did my big chop people were saying ‘Why’d you cut your hair?!’, ‘People with your hair texture shouldn’t go natural’. When my hair started growing and my twist-outs were poppin’ they started saying ‘your hair is so nice’ ‘it’s growing so fast’. Then came my second big chop - ‘Why would you cut your hair?!’ ‘Short hair is not going to fit you’. Later on, I decided to grow my hair out - ‘Why?! You look so much better with short hair’.

You see where I’m getting at? At almost every stage they had something to say and most of the statements were negative. If I kept listening to what they said my self-esteem would be nonexistent by now. It felt like I was living with a chain around my neck and people’s opinions were constantly being shoved down my throat and I was choking. I was damn near dying - all because people couldn’t keep their opinions to themselves.

That’s why I cut my hair - I was cutting the chain from my neck. In its simplest form, I cut my hair because it was breaking; I had split ends and no matter what I tried they wouldn’t go away. But in actuality, I thought about cutting my hair for months. It was always something in the back of my mind and I was sure of it. I wanted a way to bury the control they had over me. I did it once before but I wasn’t strong enough and they reeled me back in. This time it was to show that I was done listening to them and they could keep wasting their breath.


If we continue to listen to and accept this negativity it will mess with your mental health. Even if you think you’re strong and you love yourself self there will be a little thing called doubt in the back of your mind and you’ll unconsciously second guess any and everything you think of. And that’s how they win.

As much as possible try to focus on yourself, your life. Get selfish - do things that feed your happiness, care about your mental health. Because other people’s negativity is stressful and you don’t need that negativity in your life.

People are going to talk regardless - good/bad, happy/sad - because believe it or not people want things to distract them from their own issues. But you don’t have to listen. Block it out, turn off your ears if you have to. It’s your life and you have to live for you.

"Everyone has advice to give but not every piece of advice should be taken." - Chevy

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32 comments:

  1. Love this! I’m so glad you decided to do what was best for you and let everyone else’s comments fall to the side. People really do always have something to say about everything 🤦🏼‍♀️ Stay strong girl, you’re inspiring! 💕

    https://praylivelove.com/why-and-how-i-became-a-stay-at-home-wife-with-no-kids/

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    1. Thank you so much for reading and I’m glad it resonated with you.

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  2. Fantastic post and so true! We are never going to keep everyone happy, and we shouldn't have to - it's so important to live our lives the way we want to, regardless of what others think! That way we will be happy, and it will show!

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    1. Exactly what I was thinking! Focus on being happy and sharing it with others.

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  3. These words are so powerful:

    "Don’t feel the need to take credit for someone’s action just because you gave your opinion of something and it was considered. It’s not about you."
    It's a shame people are more concerned with you rather than themselves. Tut tut. This was a great read. 😍👍🏽

    www.lifeandtheunexpected.com

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    1. Right! My life isn’t even that interesting but I guess I look like I need advice. Glad you liked it!

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  4. Hey, great post. I’m glad you’re living for yourself. Trying to impress anyone is exhausting... and when you’re just yourself you attract people who like you for you. And hopefully when people know their “advice” is worthless they can stop giving it haha

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    1. Yes I’ve been trying to focus more on myself lately and trying to ignore any “advice” I receive.

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  5. I love this, I love when someone can speak up and not be afraid.. this is one of the best advices I've ever heard and you're so right that the closest ppl to you are the ones with the most hurtful comments, some I've gotten are "dry head adasa", "short hair doesn't fit you, you're not that pretty anymore", "you shouldn't have cut your hair now look it's not growing" they need to know that shrinkage is a real thing but I've had a number of 3 big chops and one Minnie. My hair is growing at a normal rate but I have spiral curls with a likeness to "friz" and extreme shrinking, but who cares I've been natural for almost 10 months now and I love my super short curly fro.. it makes me feel empowered and beautiful against what anyone says.

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    1. Girl it took a while for me to stop caring but I’m glad I did. I too have shrinky hair and no matter what products I use it’s hard to define my curls. But I’m pushing through and loving it!

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  6. It’s s good thing we have the gift of freedom
    Freedom to do what we like when we like, everyone just wants to act like they know what’s best for you, when only you do love yah girl

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    1. I completely agree but if only said freedom wasn’t so hard to get. Love you too Renay!

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  7. This really was a wonderful commentary. I personally have only recently decided to be confident in my decisions and my dreams and not let others' opinions affect me as much as they had in the past. It's so exciting when you have goals and passions and you don't let other people ruin those for you. If you're excited about something, it's because you know it will make YOU happy, and that's the best thing you can do for yourself.

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    1. Yes girl! It feels so much better keeping my plans to myself until they’re revealed naturally. The excitement is on a different level. Keep pushing through and live your best life.

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  8. Always good to treat yourself kinder.. Don't leave your own goals, and values in the back burner

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    1. That’s the spirit! Live for yourself while loving yourself.

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  9. "Don't let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace." This is something that I definitely struggle with, but I'm working on it.

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    1. Keep working on it because when you have inner peace everything works in your favor.

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  10. I love all of this!! Thanks for the post!

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    1. Thank you for reading! I’m glad you enjoyed it.

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  11. So annoying when people think they know your life better than you do so they try and tell you how you should live your life! You keep doin you! I’ll do me:)

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    1. Right! It’s like everyone is trying to be a guiding hand and it’s just causing confusion.

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  12. It's a tough challenge, to follow our heart and own mind when everyone is out there telling us to do the exact opposite. I'm glad you're sticking up for yourself.

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    1. It’s hard yes but you have to do it. You are the one responsible for your own happiness so why should you care about what others think?

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  13. I totally agree. I've reach a point in my life I'm not going to react to everything and give people the upper hand to mess up my peace of mind. No no

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    1. Yes Shakeria take it easy and always have tricks up your sleeve.

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  14. I agree that negativity in your life is stressful, so I try to associate as much as possible with positivity.

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    1. Only positivity will give you peace of mind so put that at the forefront of all your endeavors and you’ll be good.

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  15. This post speaks to me...and is a subject I've been reading up on. I appreciate your perspective...

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    1. Thanks for reading Michelle! And I’m glad you appreciate my views.

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  16. Agree! Love this post so much! Can't wait to see more

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  17. Agree! Love this post! Can't wait to see more post.

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